A Touching Story on STReNGTHS 一篇关于强项的感人故事

This is an inspiring story I recently read in  the New Straights Times. It touches the core of what this blog has been advocating: To flourish, you must know your strengths and how to leverage on them.

I learned that it is so important for parents to have:

  • The character strengths of Love, Hope, Perseverance, Courage and Wisdom — we saw how a positive-minded mother defied all odds and the traditional school system to nurture her daughter who has learning difficulty transforming the girl who severely lacked self-esteem and confidence into someone who is confident and, more importantly, happy about who she really is.
  • Appreciation of the importance of Knowing the Strengths of their child and  allowing their child to Flourish by Nurturing the Strengths.

Click to read the full story HERE.  I hope this story not only encourages parents with learning disability kids but also inspires all parents to move in the right direction : start from knowing the STRENGHTHS of your kids!

Do you know the strengths of your kids? Have you thought of how to nurture their strengths to enable them to flourish and be happy?

Relevant links:
http://learningbeyondschooling.org/
http://www.nst.com.my/life-times/showbiz/people-dance-talks-1.103189
http://www.medicinenet.com/dyslexia/article.htm
And I really like this “Famous People with the Gift of Dyslexia” http://www.dyslexia.com/famous.htm
http://hip-hop-dance.net/

我最近读了一篇非常感人且有启发性的报道 。这个篇报道直接关联到这个博客一直倡导的核心:成功的首要,是你必须知道你的强项长处,以及如何好好地利用它们。
 
我把这篇报道翻译了,想与更多的人分享。我从这个故事里上了很好的一课:
  • 父母亲的爱,乐观,,勇气智慧是何等重要 —  一位积极开明的母亲如何排除所有困难和抵制传统的学校制度,去培育一个有学习困难的女儿,使得她从一个缺乏自尊和自信而成为一个拥有自信心和开心的女孩。更重要的是她快乐的做着自己!
  • 父母亲完全了解孩子的长处,从孩子的长处为出发点来培育他们的重要性。

我希望这个故事不但能鼓励有学习障碍孩子的家庭,也能启发所有父母从正确的方向去培养及教育孩子:从了解他们的强项长处出发!

你知道你的孩子的长处吗?你有没有想过如何培育他们的长处,使他们茁壮快乐地成长?

 
“手上拿着iPad,坐在沙发上的Samantha,看起来和其他15岁的女孩完全没有什么不同。她就像一个害羞而不善交谈的女孩。若是有人和她说话,她会以笑声和她的手指玩着她的头发来掩饰她的紧张。有时,她会斜睨着眼交谈;当你问及她简单的问题时,她会将她的手掌覆盖在她的脸上说:“我不知道”。当她对别人对她的关注感到累了时,她会走开到一个角落坐着。当她感觉好多了,她会倒回来参与谈话或只是聆听着她的母亲,慧玲,和大伙聊着关于她的事。
 
Sam,她的昵称,是一个有阅读障碍 (‘dyslexic’) 的女孩。
 
“她看这个世界的方式和平常人是不一样的。她是以图片或是画面而非文字去思考。” 慧玲说。慧玲是一个家庭主妇,你会觉得她所做的一切就只是照顾她的三个孩子。然,这位前钢琴老师绝对做的比你想象的多得太多。

我是在一个很偶然的情况下遇到她。我停下来问路,一个有趣的巧合。 “你是在找我的房子吗?”她问道。当时,她正从儿童保育中心走这在回家。她和她的丈夫,宋,在两年前开始了一个为5-17岁孩子的支援小组,这些孩子包括了那些有自闭症的和有阅读障碍的。“我觉得孩子们需要作定期的互动交流,做他们喜欢做的事。逼着去他们不喜欢的东西是没有意义的。”慧玲说。

当年,当慧玲发现了Sam的状况时,就是采取了同样的方法。慧玲注意到当同龄的其他孩子们学习阅读和写作时,Sam却没有这样的兴趣。但慧玲并没有惊慌,她还是继续每天晚上不辞其劳地念故事书给Sam听。

Sam也和其他孩子们一般被送到幼儿园上课。当时,她的父母并没有意识到她是有困难学习的。因为Sam的状况,她有着有着卑微的自尊心,她没有和任何人说话,或者与其他孩子打成一片。“在好几年后,她才告诉我,每一天幼儿园的老师让她坐在一个角落里,盯着墙壁 — 因为她和其他孩子不一样。”

这样的经验对大多数孩子来说绝对是很痛苦的。但因为Sam有着不同的思维方式,她认为老师是在和她玩游戏。然,随着时间的过去,她觉得“游戏”变得十分无聊,于是她告诉了她的妈妈,她不想上学了。妈妈同意了。当Sam八岁时,慧玲一位有阅读障碍儿子的朋友,给了Sam一个测试。这位朋友曾上了一个关于阅读障碍的课程。

Sam被发现了有轻度的阅读障碍,送去一个中心,在那里她可以得到额外的学习援助和参加特殊班。但,它却不是慧玲所预期中的。“老师对待Sam就像对待一个正常的幼儿园孩子,”她说。于是,她决定开始在家教育Sam。就在其时,慧玲方意识到,虽然她的女儿有学习障碍,她却在其他方面有卓越的表现 – 艺术方面!

Sam已经学会了拉小提琴,钢琴以及吉他。她打高尔夫球,画画和游泳。她也跳芭蕾舞,但她现在的最爱,是嘻哈舞蹈。“这是她表达自己的方法。我不介意她跳一整天,因为它使她高兴,” 慧玲补充说Sam在跳舞时是一个完全不同的人,她充满活力,充满生机和自由,不像她平时安静的自我。

Sam在两年前看了一个城市舞蹈比赛(‘Showdown’)播出时发现了嘻哈舞蹈。她说服了她母亲,让她参加一个每周一次的街头舞蹈班。现在,Sam每天都在市区舞蹈班跳舞。她最疯狂的梦想是在人群面前和在电视上跳舞。而她的朋友竟为她实现了这个梦想,邀请她参加了他们的Showdown。他们形成一个叫“Hype”的四人组,竟在一百队选队里得了排名第十二位!但,她们最终并没有进入比赛。

尽管如此,Showdown的经验对于Sam来说是一个转捩点。她变得更加有自信,在公众场合比较健谈。她会与她的朋友逛商场,看电影。她也因此获得了一点点的名气。有一天,在吉隆坡市中心,一个十几岁的女孩跑过来,给了Sam一个拥抱。这个女孩,和许许多多人一样,看到Sam在电视里跳舞,很为Sam的舞步感到惊讶。

曾几何时,Sam是那么地害怕被嘲笑。然,现在,慧玲说,她的女儿已经变成为一个快乐的人,这一切都因为她坚信给予Sam自由的选择。

在过去两周,Sam获得了奖一份学金以及参加了一个为期十天在槟城举办,来自美国舞蹈老师参加的舞蹈讲习班。“教官说,Sam已掌握了舞蹈的纯正形式,只要给予更多的实践,她将成为是最好的舞者。这真让我感到自豪。”慧玲说。她补充说,Sam希望成为一个好的舞者和编舞者。她希望有一天有自己的舞蹈工作室。

慧玲和她的丈夫在培养自己的孩子成就上,走了一段很长的路。他们十六岁的女儿,Amrita,现在正在与她的爸爸在欧洲参於及增加自己对国际音乐的经验。她立志要成为一名歌手和作曲家,就像她最喜欢的艺人,尤娜。慧玲还有一个八岁的儿子,Arian,他们怀疑他也有阅读障碍。“他是读得慢一点,但在其他的事情上,他非常的敏锐。他十分爱说话。”,慧玲对她所有的孩子采取家庭教育(‘home school’)。Arian对漫画书有兴趣,慧玲就让他追寻他自己的兴趣。毕竟,你永远不知道他长大时他会成为什么样的人。

广泛来说,阅读障碍是一种关于发展性的阅读残疾。它使大脑不能正确地认识和处理符号。它发生在一个有助于解释语言的大脑区域。但它只限于一个特定的信息处理问题,并不会干扰思考的能力或理解复杂的想法。”

相关链接:
http://learningbeyondschooling.org/
http://www.nst.com.my/life-times/showbiz/people-dance-talks-1.103189
http://www.medicinenet.com/dyslexia/article.htm
我很喜欢的一个:”拥有阅读障碍恩赐的名人” http://www.dyslexia.com/famous.htm
http://hip-hop-dance.net/

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A Conversation with Dr Ryan 和莱恩博士的对话。

As a finale to the 7-lesson VIA Intensive training, VIA Institute generously offers an optional one-on-one bonus coaching session for every participant to review our VIA-Pro report (i.e. our character strength report).  The purpose of meeting was “To review your VIA-Pro report. This can be a general review session or it can be done in the context of a personal or professional growth issue, a goal, or a life difficulty.”

I signed myself up immediately for this precious opportunity.  And, am I glad I did.  I was fortunate to have Dr Ryan, our 7-week course instructor as my session coach.  I could not wait to meet him.

Dr Ryan was great!  That short 45-minute session was not only a fruitful one for my own self, it was really a good session to see how an experienced psychologist uses the VIA Report to coach his client.  I learned a lot about myself, I learned so much on applying it to people I wish to help.  At one point in time, under the patient guidance of Dr Ryan, I even achieved a breakthrough on how I have always seen myself.

My 3 most important discoveries from this 45-minute session with Dr Ryan :

  • Embrace all your signature strengths (your top 5 character strengths). This is because they represent the “real you”.  Accepting and embracing them allow you to be happier because this is when you are more true to yourself.  In other words, apply Gratitude to your character strengths, appreciate each of them, use them, mobilise and expand the use.
  • Prudence and Bravery can go hand-in-hand when used appropriately!  I was always so stubbornly believed that the two were in conflict and wish I could have more of one and less of the other. Dr Ryan made me see for myself there were incidences in my life that I used them together both at the same time; there was even a major one that enabled me to make a turning point in my life and got me to where I am today.  I can’t wait to tell Sarah (my team member) about this realisation.
  • When we apply character strengths to career coaching, it would not be  appropriate (close to dangerous) to conclude that certain character strengths match/fit certain career options.  A character strength can be used and applied within different career options.  The key to our role really is to help people to know their strengths and use them in as many situations as possible.  Dr Ryan gave a good example, a person high in Humor does not necessarily have to be a comedian.  He can be a doctor (no less!) and he can apply Humor when it is much needed to defuse stressful situations and this strength can be very helpful (and needed) in high-stress environment like a hospital.

THANK YOU DR RYAN, from the bottom of my heart.

VIA课程的压轴,是VIA研究所慷慨提供给每一位参与者的一对一性格优点的个别辅导。个别辅导的目的是“帮您分析您的VIA性格优点分析报告。这可以是一个一般性的讨论分析,也可以是个人或专业上发展的问题,或生活上所遇到的困难。”

我立即把握这个宝贵的机会去报名。我很幸运,我的辅导教练是我们VIA七周课程的导师,莱恩博士。我万分期待。

莱恩博士真的很棒! 那短短四十五分钟的辅导不仅帮助丰富了我自己,它也真正是一个很好的学习机会。我亲身经历一个富有经验的心理学专家如何利用VIA性格优点分析报告帮助他的当事人。我学到了很多关于我自己。从莱恩博士身上,我也学到了如何更有效率地去帮助他人。

在某一个时间点,在莱恩博士耐心指导下,我甚至对自己一向来的看法取得了突破性进展。

我在这四十五分钟里最重要的三个领悟:

  • 完全地去接纳自己所有的关键性格优点(您最强的五个性格优点)。这是因为它们代表了“真实的你”。接纳它们让您去面对和拥有真正的自我,只有这样,您才会感到更幸福快乐。换句话说,用感恩的心态去面对您的性格优点,好好地运用和扩大使用它们。
  • 如果运用方法得当,“审慎”和“勇气”两大优点竟是可以齐头并进的!以往,我总是固执地相信这两个优点是互相冲突的。莱恩博士让我看到我曾经多次成功地在同一时间运用“审慎”和“勇气”。还有那么的一次,让自己踏出生命中重要的一大步。
  • 当我们运用性格优点帮助他人作职业选择时,执着地去把某些性格优点匹配於某些职业选择上是不恰当,甚至是危险的。一个性格优点可加以运用和发挥在不同的职业上。我们重要的任务是去帮助人们了解自己的优点,和帮助他们在尽可能在多方面情况下运用他们的优点。莱恩博士给了一个很好的例子,一个拥有幽默感,善于逗人开心的人,并不一定要当一个喜剧演员。他绝对可以是一名医生,在高压环境中,如医院,运用其幽默感,帮助他人看较轻松的一面而化解紧张的情况。

谢谢您博士瑞安,衷心地。

The Paradox of Our Time 属於我们的一个矛盾年代

I really like this — a meaningful email I received from a good friend:

“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less. We buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.”

我收到的一个颇有意思,让人深思的电邮:

 “我们活在一个充满了矛盾的年代里:

我们拥有较高的建筑物,却更短(坏)的脾气;更宽敞的高速公路,但更狭窄的观点。我们花得更多,却拥有得更少。我们购买得更多,却享受得更少。我们有较大的房子,但较小的家庭;更多的方便,却更少的时间。我们有更多的学位,却更少的意识;更多的知识,但更弱的判断能力;更多的专家,但更多的问题;更多的药品,却更少的健康。
 
我们喝得太多,抽烟太凶,花钱太多,却笑得太少。我们驾车太快,太易生气,熬夜太晚,起身太迟,书读得太少,电视看得太多,却甚少祈祷。我们的财产增加了,价值观却降低了。我们讲得太多,爱得太少,恨得太多。我们学会了如何谋生,却不知道如何生活。我们添加了几年的生命,却没有注入生命到我们的年月里。
 
我们已经到达了月球,却甚少越过街道去认识我们的新邻居。我们征服了太空,却没有征服我们内在的自我。我们完成了更大的事情,却不是更好的事情。我们清洁了空气,却污染了灵魂。我们已经征服了原子,但却征服不了自己的偏见。
 
我们写得多了,学习少了。我们计划得更多,但完成得更少。我们学会了匆忙,却没有学习等待。我们建立了更强大的电脑,以容纳转达更多的信息,我们的沟通却越来越少。

这是一个吃快餐却难消化,大男人而低品德,高利润却关系浅薄的年代。这是一个拥有两个收入却更高离婚率,拥有更好的房子却更多破碎的家庭的年代。这是一个快速旅行,用纸尿布,没有道德良知,一夜情,超体重和以药物来控制和达到一切包括让人欢呼,安静或杀人的一个年代。这是一个有很多东西摆放在陈列室窗口,却完全没有东西在贮藏室的年代。一个靠科技就可以把这个讯息带给你,而你随时可以选择分享或打删除掉的年代。”

Wisdom 智慧

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered,

 “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

 当被问及在人道上有什么是最让他感到意外時,达赖喇嘛答道,

“人呀。因为人为了赚钱而牺牲自己的健康,然后他牺牲赚来的钱去恢复他的健康。 他因为焦虑未来而不能享受当下, 而因为如此,他没有活在当下或是将来。他活得好像永远不会死去,死时才发觉一生从没真正地活过。”

 

Thanks, Jonathan. 谢谢,麦。


Jonathan Mak’s Blog: Thanks, Steve.

For allowing us to see how you use Creativity and Gratitude to pay tribute to a great visionary and a great human being of our time; and how with Bravery and Honesty, you candidly and genuinely handle the dispute in design originality.

让我们看到你如何以创造力感恩, 向一个有伟大远见的伟大人物致敬。你也展现了绝大勇气诚实,坦率真诚地去面对原创性问题的指责和纠纷。

Fish Climbs Tree 鱼爬树

“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

~ Albert Einstein ~

The above has to be the first cognizance that a coach (or teacher, mentor, manager, leader, etc)  embraces when he/she approaches his/her coachees (or students, mentees, staff, followers, etc).  Understand them more in-depth, who they really are and what their strengths are, then nurture them accordingly.

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“每一个人都拥有天赋。 但如果你根据鱼爬树的本领去判断它的能力,它将终其一生都以为自己是愚蠢的。”

〜爱因斯坦〜

以上必须是当辅导员(或老师,导师,经理,领导人等)的第一个认知。先深入去地了解辅导对象(或学生,学员,​​员工,追随者等)真正的天赋和性格优点,然后才相应地去培育他们。