Love Thyself 爱自己

“Do you think you are more beautiful than you say?”
“Yeah… yeah.”
“We spend a lot of time as women analysing and trying to fix the things that aren’t quite right, and should spend more time appreciate things that we do like.”

Sharing this beautiful video I named it: Love Thyself

We must first learn to love ourselves , before we know how to love others.

Picture1

“你覺得你比你所描述的自己漂亮嗎?”
“是 …..是啊。”
“身为女人,我們花了大部分的時間分析事情和試圖修復我們不喜歡東西;我们應該花更多的時間在我们喜歡的事情上。”

分享這個动人的視頻,我把它命名為:愛自己

人,要学会好好爱自己;才能好好爱他人。

A Touching Story on STReNGTHS 一篇关于强项的感人故事

This is an inspiring story I recently read in  the New Straights Times. It touches the core of what this blog has been advocating: To flourish, you must know your strengths and how to leverage on them.

I learned that it is so important for parents to have:

  • The character strengths of Love, Hope, Perseverance, Courage and Wisdom — we saw how a positive-minded mother defied all odds and the traditional school system to nurture her daughter who has learning difficulty transforming the girl who severely lacked self-esteem and confidence into someone who is confident and, more importantly, happy about who she really is.
  • Appreciation of the importance of Knowing the Strengths of their child and  allowing their child to Flourish by Nurturing the Strengths.

Click to read the full story HERE.  I hope this story not only encourages parents with learning disability kids but also inspires all parents to move in the right direction : start from knowing the STRENGHTHS of your kids!

Do you know the strengths of your kids? Have you thought of how to nurture their strengths to enable them to flourish and be happy?

Relevant links:
http://learningbeyondschooling.org/
http://www.nst.com.my/life-times/showbiz/people-dance-talks-1.103189
http://www.medicinenet.com/dyslexia/article.htm
And I really like this “Famous People with the Gift of Dyslexia” http://www.dyslexia.com/famous.htm
http://hip-hop-dance.net/

我最近读了一篇非常感人且有启发性的报道 。这个篇报道直接关联到这个博客一直倡导的核心:成功的首要,是你必须知道你的强项长处,以及如何好好地利用它们。
 
我把这篇报道翻译了,想与更多的人分享。我从这个故事里上了很好的一课:
  • 父母亲的爱,乐观,,勇气智慧是何等重要 —  一位积极开明的母亲如何排除所有困难和抵制传统的学校制度,去培育一个有学习困难的女儿,使得她从一个缺乏自尊和自信而成为一个拥有自信心和开心的女孩。更重要的是她快乐的做着自己!
  • 父母亲完全了解孩子的长处,从孩子的长处为出发点来培育他们的重要性。

我希望这个故事不但能鼓励有学习障碍孩子的家庭,也能启发所有父母从正确的方向去培养及教育孩子:从了解他们的强项长处出发!

你知道你的孩子的长处吗?你有没有想过如何培育他们的长处,使他们茁壮快乐地成长?

 
“手上拿着iPad,坐在沙发上的Samantha,看起来和其他15岁的女孩完全没有什么不同。她就像一个害羞而不善交谈的女孩。若是有人和她说话,她会以笑声和她的手指玩着她的头发来掩饰她的紧张。有时,她会斜睨着眼交谈;当你问及她简单的问题时,她会将她的手掌覆盖在她的脸上说:“我不知道”。当她对别人对她的关注感到累了时,她会走开到一个角落坐着。当她感觉好多了,她会倒回来参与谈话或只是聆听着她的母亲,慧玲,和大伙聊着关于她的事。
 
Sam,她的昵称,是一个有阅读障碍 (‘dyslexic’) 的女孩。
 
“她看这个世界的方式和平常人是不一样的。她是以图片或是画面而非文字去思考。” 慧玲说。慧玲是一个家庭主妇,你会觉得她所做的一切就只是照顾她的三个孩子。然,这位前钢琴老师绝对做的比你想象的多得太多。

我是在一个很偶然的情况下遇到她。我停下来问路,一个有趣的巧合。 “你是在找我的房子吗?”她问道。当时,她正从儿童保育中心走这在回家。她和她的丈夫,宋,在两年前开始了一个为5-17岁孩子的支援小组,这些孩子包括了那些有自闭症的和有阅读障碍的。“我觉得孩子们需要作定期的互动交流,做他们喜欢做的事。逼着去他们不喜欢的东西是没有意义的。”慧玲说。

当年,当慧玲发现了Sam的状况时,就是采取了同样的方法。慧玲注意到当同龄的其他孩子们学习阅读和写作时,Sam却没有这样的兴趣。但慧玲并没有惊慌,她还是继续每天晚上不辞其劳地念故事书给Sam听。

Sam也和其他孩子们一般被送到幼儿园上课。当时,她的父母并没有意识到她是有困难学习的。因为Sam的状况,她有着有着卑微的自尊心,她没有和任何人说话,或者与其他孩子打成一片。“在好几年后,她才告诉我,每一天幼儿园的老师让她坐在一个角落里,盯着墙壁 — 因为她和其他孩子不一样。”

这样的经验对大多数孩子来说绝对是很痛苦的。但因为Sam有着不同的思维方式,她认为老师是在和她玩游戏。然,随着时间的过去,她觉得“游戏”变得十分无聊,于是她告诉了她的妈妈,她不想上学了。妈妈同意了。当Sam八岁时,慧玲一位有阅读障碍儿子的朋友,给了Sam一个测试。这位朋友曾上了一个关于阅读障碍的课程。

Sam被发现了有轻度的阅读障碍,送去一个中心,在那里她可以得到额外的学习援助和参加特殊班。但,它却不是慧玲所预期中的。“老师对待Sam就像对待一个正常的幼儿园孩子,”她说。于是,她决定开始在家教育Sam。就在其时,慧玲方意识到,虽然她的女儿有学习障碍,她却在其他方面有卓越的表现 – 艺术方面!

Sam已经学会了拉小提琴,钢琴以及吉他。她打高尔夫球,画画和游泳。她也跳芭蕾舞,但她现在的最爱,是嘻哈舞蹈。“这是她表达自己的方法。我不介意她跳一整天,因为它使她高兴,” 慧玲补充说Sam在跳舞时是一个完全不同的人,她充满活力,充满生机和自由,不像她平时安静的自我。

Sam在两年前看了一个城市舞蹈比赛(‘Showdown’)播出时发现了嘻哈舞蹈。她说服了她母亲,让她参加一个每周一次的街头舞蹈班。现在,Sam每天都在市区舞蹈班跳舞。她最疯狂的梦想是在人群面前和在电视上跳舞。而她的朋友竟为她实现了这个梦想,邀请她参加了他们的Showdown。他们形成一个叫“Hype”的四人组,竟在一百队选队里得了排名第十二位!但,她们最终并没有进入比赛。

尽管如此,Showdown的经验对于Sam来说是一个转捩点。她变得更加有自信,在公众场合比较健谈。她会与她的朋友逛商场,看电影。她也因此获得了一点点的名气。有一天,在吉隆坡市中心,一个十几岁的女孩跑过来,给了Sam一个拥抱。这个女孩,和许许多多人一样,看到Sam在电视里跳舞,很为Sam的舞步感到惊讶。

曾几何时,Sam是那么地害怕被嘲笑。然,现在,慧玲说,她的女儿已经变成为一个快乐的人,这一切都因为她坚信给予Sam自由的选择。

在过去两周,Sam获得了奖一份学金以及参加了一个为期十天在槟城举办,来自美国舞蹈老师参加的舞蹈讲习班。“教官说,Sam已掌握了舞蹈的纯正形式,只要给予更多的实践,她将成为是最好的舞者。这真让我感到自豪。”慧玲说。她补充说,Sam希望成为一个好的舞者和编舞者。她希望有一天有自己的舞蹈工作室。

慧玲和她的丈夫在培养自己的孩子成就上,走了一段很长的路。他们十六岁的女儿,Amrita,现在正在与她的爸爸在欧洲参於及增加自己对国际音乐的经验。她立志要成为一名歌手和作曲家,就像她最喜欢的艺人,尤娜。慧玲还有一个八岁的儿子,Arian,他们怀疑他也有阅读障碍。“他是读得慢一点,但在其他的事情上,他非常的敏锐。他十分爱说话。”,慧玲对她所有的孩子采取家庭教育(‘home school’)。Arian对漫画书有兴趣,慧玲就让他追寻他自己的兴趣。毕竟,你永远不知道他长大时他会成为什么样的人。

广泛来说,阅读障碍是一种关于发展性的阅读残疾。它使大脑不能正确地认识和处理符号。它发生在一个有助于解释语言的大脑区域。但它只限于一个特定的信息处理问题,并不会干扰思考的能力或理解复杂的想法。”

相关链接:
http://learningbeyondschooling.org/
http://www.nst.com.my/life-times/showbiz/people-dance-talks-1.103189
http://www.medicinenet.com/dyslexia/article.htm
我很喜欢的一个:”拥有阅读障碍恩赐的名人” http://www.dyslexia.com/famous.htm
http://hip-hop-dance.net/

On Target! Progress of 3GT Strengths Project 达标!3GT计划的进度

In September last year, I started  3GT Strengths Project 3GT计划.  It has been 6 months now and it is a good time to conduct a review and give a progress report on the Project.

3GT Strengths Project is my effort of “giving” after an inspiring learning journey about Character Strengths with VIA Institute on Character.  3GT Strenghts Project offers each month  a FREE VIA Character Strengths profiling analysis report known as ViaPro Report (see sample) worth USD40.00 to one person who would like to learn more about his/her own strengths and how to use the strengths.

To-date, I have given away 6 VIAPro Reports to 6 persons and provided coaching sessions to go through the report with them.  Of the 6,  2 are ladies and 4 are gentlemen. 5 of them are between the age of 24-28, while one is aged 33.

The sessions were enlightening for me as I observed how each of them learned more about themselves in the process.  There were a few interesting observations I made:

The PoSiTiVes:

  • A Good Conversation Tool – VIAPro Report is an excellent tool to start a coaching conversation that gradually leading to a deeper level.
  • Accurate and Reflective– All 6 agree that the top 5-8 character strengths represent their strengths well, even though some disagree with the order of the ranking.
  • A-HA Moments – There is almost always some “A-HA” moments for the coachees, having sudden realisation or a deeper understanding of themselves, while we go through the VIAPro Report.  For instance, a coachee suddenly realised why he had been so unhappy with his current job despite the good monetary reward. His utmost character strength was Fairness, Equity and Justice. His work environment was providing just the opposite.
  • Values-linked – VIAPro Report not only tells of a person’s character strengths, it gives a good gauge of the person’s value system – what are the things that are important to them.  I rely on it a great deal, when I conduct career coaching, to assess work-environment fit. A good example will be the one I mentioned above.

The GaPS:

  • Career Relevance or the Lack thereof – Perhaps it was the age-group (24-33) that I am dealing with.  At this age, career success is their greatest concern. Their immediate response to the VIAPro Report was …”So, what does this mean to my career?”  They are obviously much less interested to know about their charater strengths than their skill strengths that will bring about career success.
  • Focus on Weaknesses – There is almost always a tendency for coachees to regard the lesser strengths as “weaknesses” and focus their questions on “how to improve” these lesser strengths them.  For instance, one gentleman was so disappointed that his “leadership” strength was at the bottom five that throughout the coaching session, his questions were just on how to strenghten his leadership skills.

Are you interested to find out your character strengths and get a FREE VIAPro profiling analysis? If yes, please click HERE.

从去年九月,我开始了3GT Strengths Project 3GT计划至今,已有六个月。六个月是一个很好的时间来对3GT计划作一个进度报告。

3GT计划是我在VIA研究所学习了关于人的性格优点后的一个回馈。目的只有一个:让更多的人知道他们所擅长的和他们性格上的优点,让大家能从而受益。3GT计划每月为一个人提供一份免费(价值USD40.00)的VIA性格优点分析报告(VIAPro报告,见样本)。让有兴趣的人,了解他们自己的性格优点。

至今,我已经把六份VIAPro报告送了出去,也给这六位朋友作了一至二小时的VIAPro报告辅导。六人当中,有四男两女。其中五人的年龄是介於24-28岁之间,而一位是33岁。

这六次的辅导不但给了我许多的启发,我也看到他们每一个都在过程中了对自己的了解到更多。我做了几个有趣的观察:

正面的:
绝妙的交谈工具:VIAPro报告绝对是一个作用於开始辅导交谈,并逐步向更深层次探讨的良好工具。
准确反映:即使有些人不同意它们的排名顺序, 所有六位朋友都同意他们的VIAPro报告所列出的五至八项的性格优点相当准确地反映了他们的性格上的长处。
恍然大悟的一刻:几乎每一位朋友都在我们讨论VIAPro报告时,有他们自己恍然大悟的一刻 — 一个突然觉悟,或突然更深入的明瞭自己的一刻。例如,其中的一位朋友终于明白为什么他尽管工作上有很好的酬劳,他还是非常的不开心。他最强的性格优点是为“公正,公平和正义”。而,他的工作正正提供了一个相反的工作环境。
价值挂钩:VIAPro报告不仅准确地反映了一个人的性格长处,它也是一个人价值体系的良好指标。当我进行职业指导时,我常用VIAPro报告来评估适合他们的工作环境。

有差距性的:
职业关连:也许是因为他们的年龄层(24-33),事业的成功发展是他们最大的焦点和关注。他们对VIAPro报告的即时反应通常都是……“那,这是否意味着我的职业生涯能/不能成功吗?” 很明显的,他们对他们的技术优势远比性格优点来得感兴趣。这是因为他们认为前者会带来事业的成功。
以弱点为焦点:六位朋友都不期然都会倾向於关注排名低的性格优点,并把它们视为“弱点”。他们的问题常常都集中在“如何改善”这些弱点”。例如,一位男士在看了他的VIAPro报告感到有点失望,因为他的“领导实力”排名在后五名。於是,他只关注在如何加强他的领导能力。

你有兴趣找出你的性格优点,并得到一份免费的VIAPro性格分析报告吗? 如果你有兴趣,请点击这里

The Paradox of Our Time 属於我们的一个矛盾年代

I really like this — a meaningful email I received from a good friend:

“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less. We buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.”

我收到的一个颇有意思,让人深思的电邮:

 “我们活在一个充满了矛盾的年代里:

我们拥有较高的建筑物,却更短(坏)的脾气;更宽敞的高速公路,但更狭窄的观点。我们花得更多,却拥有得更少。我们购买得更多,却享受得更少。我们有较大的房子,但较小的家庭;更多的方便,却更少的时间。我们有更多的学位,却更少的意识;更多的知识,但更弱的判断能力;更多的专家,但更多的问题;更多的药品,却更少的健康。
 
我们喝得太多,抽烟太凶,花钱太多,却笑得太少。我们驾车太快,太易生气,熬夜太晚,起身太迟,书读得太少,电视看得太多,却甚少祈祷。我们的财产增加了,价值观却降低了。我们讲得太多,爱得太少,恨得太多。我们学会了如何谋生,却不知道如何生活。我们添加了几年的生命,却没有注入生命到我们的年月里。
 
我们已经到达了月球,却甚少越过街道去认识我们的新邻居。我们征服了太空,却没有征服我们内在的自我。我们完成了更大的事情,却不是更好的事情。我们清洁了空气,却污染了灵魂。我们已经征服了原子,但却征服不了自己的偏见。
 
我们写得多了,学习少了。我们计划得更多,但完成得更少。我们学会了匆忙,却没有学习等待。我们建立了更强大的电脑,以容纳转达更多的信息,我们的沟通却越来越少。

这是一个吃快餐却难消化,大男人而低品德,高利润却关系浅薄的年代。这是一个拥有两个收入却更高离婚率,拥有更好的房子却更多破碎的家庭的年代。这是一个快速旅行,用纸尿布,没有道德良知,一夜情,超体重和以药物来控制和达到一切包括让人欢呼,安静或杀人的一个年代。这是一个有很多东西摆放在陈列室窗口,却完全没有东西在贮藏室的年代。一个靠科技就可以把这个讯息带给你,而你随时可以选择分享或打删除掉的年代。”

Wisdom 智慧

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered,

 “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

 当被问及在人道上有什么是最让他感到意外時,达赖喇嘛答道,

“人呀。因为人为了赚钱而牺牲自己的健康,然后他牺牲赚来的钱去恢复他的健康。 他因为焦虑未来而不能享受当下, 而因为如此,他没有活在当下或是将来。他活得好像永远不会死去,死时才发觉一生从没真正地活过。”